I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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