So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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