singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
