Your face is a jimmy john
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
