Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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