Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
