i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
