i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
