I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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