Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
