The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
