Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
