Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
