oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
