We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
