i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
