IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
