I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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