I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
