Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
