take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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