morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm both gender and math confused
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
