i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
