Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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