ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
