Who did Billy Mays play for?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
