I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
