pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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