I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
