You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
