Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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