Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
