You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
