K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
