Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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