he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
