Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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