I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
