it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
