He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
