I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
