i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
