If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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