Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
