A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
