Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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