So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
