he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
