Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
