so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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