Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
