I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
