I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
