Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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