life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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