There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
