that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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