fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
