i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
