DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
