dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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