I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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