I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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