I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
