he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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