Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
