someone threw a dead crab at me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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