Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she peed on how many people?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
