but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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