This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In other news, I just burned my penis
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
