dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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